Letter to Todd Oldham

Dear Todd Oldham,

You probably don’t remember me.

Last week, you came into the Apple Store and bought some software from me. I was staring at you, so I didn’t catch what it was, but in my peripheral vision I noticed the box was red and white. There are no returns on open software, by the way; I think I forgot to tell you the return policy. In any case, I wanted to apologize for a few things:

First, I’m sorry I thought you were David Sedaris. I know you aren’t David Sedaris. Luckily though, when you pulled “Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules” from your backpack to compare the photo on the back to yourself, we had something to talk about.

I’m sorry it looked like I wasn’t listening. I promise I took your book recommendation and I plan to purchase it soon with my next Borders Rewards coupon. I just finished “When You Are Engulfed in Flames.” Have you read that one?

I’m sorry I cited “Top Design” on Bravo as your major work. I know you have a very extensive resume, and you were only on “Top Design,” because you were already famous. But I’ll tell you what I remember about that show: You are so nice. Even if the contestants had bad designs, or were jerks, you were always genuinely kind and encouraging. If I were you I would have told them what was what.

Finally, I’m sorry I asked you to sign my business card. Apparently this is against Apple policy. And I’m sure it is also annoying for you. For what it’s worth, though, I do keep it behind my name tag while I am at work.

I hope you forgot about me.

Sincerely,
Caryn